The Misadventures of the Richards

An unlikely friendship was once kindled. It began long ago, in the grand country of New Zealand, which is no longer very new.

At a place known as Trek Global, a housekeeper, known as RICHARD arrived. This RICHARD was of German descent, and was known for his grey beanie and glasses. Soon, he was established amongst his fellow man (and woman) and was well liked.

Then it all changed. For another arrived. Another known as Richard.

This Richard was an English wanderer, a lost soul. Much that he had done had led up to this moment, though he did not know it. He came to Trek alone and unaided. There he spent a night, where people attempted to welcome him with open arms. Yet then he was gone the next day, to the mystery of all. Much to everyone’s surprise, the Richards did not meet that day.

But then Richard came once more, about a week later. He was recognised by other Trekkers and, more importantly, finally met RICHARD.

Their meeting was magical and fabulous. Fireworks exploded as they were introduced. A delight was found in their common interest of a name: Richard. Soon, they were nicknamed. Richard became known as Richard 1, and RICHARD was adopted as Richard -1. But for all eternity, they have been known as Richard and RICHARD, or, as the world learnt to known and love them: The Richards.

A friendship formed, and then a partnership came into fruition. It was never discussed what their aim was. Yet they both knew what their destiny was: to adventure far and wide, exploring the deepest and darkest recesses of the world.

It began with a simple trip. They left their beloved hostel with no other weapon than the friendship they held in each other’s hearts (and, of course, their swords). Their destination: the land of Unicorns.

RICHARD had been there before. “A place of fabulousness and colour,” he had said. But when they got there, everything had changed.

A short leap across the stars, and they arrived in a land full of darkness, not of colour. Richard turned to RICHARD, yet he did not utter a word. His face was etched in despair and misery. Turning to his friend, Richard placed a hand upon his shoulder and spoke these words of comfort: “we shall return the Fabulous to this world.”

They nodded at each other, and drew their swords, venturing into the darkness together.

Nothing was as RICHARD remembered. An opaque field could be felt, almost physically felt, as it shrouded the land, not allowing the fortuitous and radiant light to shine through. Fear gripped RICHARD, for he feared for his precious Unicorns.

“We’ll find them, do not fret, Brother RICHARD,” comforted Richard. But inside, Richard, to, was full of fear. None of this world felt right to him. A heavy weight was pushing on his head, and he could feel it sapping his strength every second. They’d have to act fast.

“Demon of this land, show yourself!” he roared into the darkness. An impenetrable silence followed his words. Then there came the steady beating of a drum. It grew louder and louder, yet still the Richards could not see anything. Darkness had wrapped them in her loving embrace, and refused to let them be free.

“Who dares enter my domain?” A whisper on the wind, that was all it was. Yet shivers were sent down the spines of many who heard it.

“Two who wish to end your accursed reign!” replied RICHARD to the darkness at large.

There was a slow, manic chuckle, and then silence.

“Prepare yourself,” whispered Richard.

Something shifted in the darkness. The Richards raised their swords, ready for whatever might attack. And then something leapt at RICHARD. He let out a cry of fury, and brought his sword down in a long arc. But soon his cry turned to one of fear, and instead of finishing his stroke, he let his sword fall to his side as he ducked to avoid the vicious blow.

“Brother, what happened?” enquired Richard, his eyes darting between RICHARD and the darkness.

“Do not harm them. They are the Unicorns.”

“What?!”

It was then that the world was flooded with light. Not the bright, brilliant light that RICHARD loved so well, but a dank, green and sinister light, one that did not improve the feelings of dismay the Richards felt. But at least their foes were revealed.

Unicorns could be seen everywhere. At least, some form of Unicorns. Their coats were as black as the sky, and their horns were of a dull grey. They frothed at the mouth, as though some great plague had struck them. But it was the eyes that truly worried RICHARD. They were not mad, or feverish, or even evil. They showed fear. Real and terrifying fear, as though they knew what they were doing, but were helpless to stop its terrible power.

“Something’s changed them, made them into these monsters,” said RICHARD, his voice harsh.

“Yes, clever one, I did.”

The two Richards turned in unison towards the voice, and their eyes widened in fright.

“Well this did not go well,” said Richard, matter-of-factly.

Their cell was made of warped iron bars that had been crudely welded together in an obvious hurry. Clearly it had been made to hold the Richards.

“We must find a way to break free!” said RICHARD, springing up to shake the bars in frustration. “Those Unicorns are my friends. There must be a way to undo what has been done!”

“Calm, Brother RICHARD, it will not help anyone if you lose control.”

“You are right. What do you suggest?”

“We bide our time. We are being kept alive for some purpose. Let us find out what it is before we move. But if the chance appears to escape, we take it.”

“No killing, remember that, Brother Richard,” warned RICHARD. “These Unicorns are still my friends, no matter what’s been done to them.”

“Agreed.”

And so they waited. Three days and three nights past before an opportunity for escape arose. The blackened Unicorns brought them food twice a day, and each time RICHARD attempted to communicate with them. Yet they made no reply. Except for with their eyes. It was as if their bodies had been drained of thought or feeling, but their souls still endured.

“Eyes are the windows to the soul,” explained RICHARD, as they ate their pathetic meals of noodles.

“Perhaps there is a way to pierce through the veil that haunts them,” said Richard, his chopsticks holding a noodle, hovering near his mouth as ideas formed in his head.

“What are you thinking?”

“An old trick that a stranger taught me long ago. It is a way of cleansing the body of any ailment. It might just work…”

And so, next time a blackened Unicorn brought in their food, RICHARD hit it out of its hoof. Whilst the Unicorn was distracted RICHARD got to work. It was a trick that was designed to target the heart. Placing his forefinger upon the breast of the beast, he pressed firmly. He followed by stretching his forefinger and ring finger as far as possible, then, with a click, he brought them together and up, before jabbing sharply into the chest.

The Richards were thrown back. Light sprang from the chest of the beast and it let out a terrible howl. The white light began to change colour, from red to orange, to yellow, to green. To blue, to purple, and to indigo. And then it came back to white and flashed blindingly. The Richards let out a scream as the light blinded them.

Slowly, their vision returned.

“Riccorn!” exclaimed RICHARD.

Before them stood the majestic pink figure of a Unicorn. No longer was fear in its eyes, and no longer was its body blackened against its will.

“Hello, friend. It is good to be able to speak to you again.” Riccorn’s voice was deep and lyrical, as though he was on the verge of song with every passing word.

“What happened to you?” asked Richard, disbanding all greetings.

“We were captured, mutilated and enslaved by She,” said Riccorn gravely.

“She? Who is She?” asked Richard.

“She calls herself Cyn, yet to us she known only as She. No name befits the evil in her heart.”

“When did this happen?”

“A week ago. We were caught unawares and our friends and family were blackened against us. We were helpless. But with your help, we can overthrow the tyrant, and restore the beauty to this land.”

“But how do we do that?” questioned the Richards in unison.

Riccorn chuckled to himself and the sound sent floods of warmth through the Richards’ bodies.

“I have a plan. Follow me. And be careful: She has eyes everywhere.”

“You truly believed your actions would go unnoticed?”

The three heroes of our story turned in horror, as the thing that they had been dreading occurred. Turning to face the voice of Cyn, Riccorn cowered behind the Richards.

“Foul witch,” said RICHARD, stepping forward, drawing his blade as he did. “Be gone from these lands before we are forced to rid you of it ourselves.”

Cyn cackled, and fire danced in her eyes dangerously. “Do not attempt to threaten me, housekeeper. I own you, and everyone else in this forsaken world. I am above you.” Following her last word, she spread her arms and shadows flowed from her hands. The dark mass moved quickly, and the two tendrils of darkness rounded the Richards, and latched themselves onto the quaking Riccorn. They tightened their grip, restricting his movement, and began to slowly envelope him, dragging him towards the smiling figure of Cyn. The Richards dived out of the way as the shadows jerked Riccorn forwards.

“RICHARD, help!” the Unicorn cried. His dazzling colour was beginning to fade, and the blackness that had previously infected him was coming back.

“We must do something!” cried Richard, at an utter loss at what to do. But RICHARD was calm. Richard’s panic seemed to clear his mind. He stood up, his sword drawn. Then, in a sudden movement of great precision and grace, he leapt forwards and slashed through the dark tendrils that had ensnared Riccorn. There was a scream, as the radiant and magical metal that had been forged for RICHARD sliced through the darkness and smote it down, reducing those that had caught Riccorn to nothing more than smoke.

“Thank you, RICHARD,” panted Riccorn, his body slowly returning to its proper glow.

“Come, let us banish this witch once and for all, together.” Richard stood up, drawing his own sword and standing on the other side of Riccorn. All three turned to face She, whose face was contorted in pain and anger.

“You think that is the end of me?! You have experienced nothing yet!”

And then She grew, expanding outwards, a dark aura pulsating around her.

“EVERYBODY GET DOWN!” roared Richard, throwing himself to the ground. RICHARD pulled Riccorn down with him, and they all hit the floor just in time. There was a whoosh, and they felt a great wave of blackness pass over them, rippling their hair.

Then they stood up, and the Richards nodded at each other. In unison, they let out a fierce war cry, and charged towards Cyn, their one and true enemy. At the same time, Riccorn let out a great call and bowed his head. His horn seemed to shiver and shimmer with a strange light. Then it erupted, sending waves of fabulous light forwards. It bounced off the Richards’ swords and sailed towards Cyn.

The light passed right through her, cleaving a hole straight through her blackened heart. She let out a scream of pain, but did not fall down. Darkness fought with light, as the shadows attempted to repair the damage. But the light kept on coming, and Riccorn began to shake with the effort. And then the Richards arrived. Ducking and dodging the lashing shadow tendrils, they hacked and slashed their way towards Cyn, severing part of her power with each stroke. The witch’s power had begun to wane.

“She is weakening, keep going!” called Riccorn, stooping his head lower, using up all his power to focus his light on the destruction of the witch.

“Enough, Riccorn, you’ll die!” shouted RICHARD, Flipping over a swiping tendril and hacking it down.

“I… can… manage… a bit more,” stuttered Riccorn, the strain now showing on his body.

“RICCORN, NO!”

But too late. With a scream and a blast, darkness travelled along the light and struck Riccorn directly in the horn. There was another blinding flash of light and a large crack was heard.

The Richards turned, and watched in horror as their friend’s horn broke off at its base and went flying into the air. Riccorn let out a scream of pain and collapsed, his willpower broken.

“That is what becomes of those who stand against me,” panted Cyn, managing a malevolent grin despite her defenceless spirit.

“Fuck you,” said Richard. He threw his sword through the air and pierced the half-healed place where the witch’s heart should be. His sword stuck and shone brightly. The magic of the blade fought bitterly against the darkness, yet it prevailed.

Within her dying words, the witch cursed the Richards for all eternity, great waves of abuse were hurled at them. That is, until Richard stepped up and sliced off her head.

As her body wilted, the light returned to the world, and the once fabulous and colourful landscape of the Land of Unicorns returned to fruition. The blackened Unicorns that had been hidden amongst the darkness returned to their rightful minds and colours and came bounding back to thank the Richards for saving them. Then they noticed Riccorn, motionless and hornless upon the ground.

“Riccorn,” whispered RICHARD, and ran over to his dearest and oldest friend.

“It is okay, RICHARD,” came the soft and lyrical voice of Riccorn. “I go now to a better place, knowing that my people and my land are safe.”

“No, you can’t do this,” said RICHARD, and tears began to swim in his eyes. “Do not leave me.”

“What other choice do I have? My magic has left me. The shadow over-powered me. But I go knowing that I did my bit for the love of my people. And my love for you.”

“No, NO!” RICHARD rounded on Richard. “Is there nothing we can do to save him?!”

Richard stooped and picked up the snapped horn. He stared for a long time at the horn, thinking and pondering over what might be done. He examined it closely, inspecting the intricately carved design. Then he walked over to Riccorn and knelt down, placing the horn next to the dying Unicorn.

“He needs his power to survive. Quickly now, I need you, RICHARD, and three Unicorns. Who volunteers?”

“I do.”

“As do I.”

“Me too.”

“Excellent. I require you each to channel your power into the base of his broken horn. Channel it through your love for him, for all that Riccorn sacrificed for you, to rid you of She.”

“What good will that do?”

“Love is your power, as your power is love,” explained Richard, his voice calm and patient, despite the seriousness of the situation. “Love is what makes Unicorns what you are. Cyn the witch ripped that from your bodies, leaving you with nothing. And so your bodies’ wilted, leaving only your soul with a sliver of love in it. If you are all to channel your love towards Riccorn, I believe his powers can be returned.”

“What do you need me for, Brother Richard?” asked RICHARD, curious as to the plan.

Richard smiled. “You bear the most love for him. You must place your hand over his heart and apply pressure. You shall feel a tug, as your love is tested, but if it holds true like I believe, then you shall be the key to all.”

“Very well,” nodded RICHARD, “let’s do this quickly. I can feel him slipping away.”

“On three then: one, two… THREE!”

The three Unicorns’ power surged together and sparks flew everywhere as it hit the base of the horn. At the same time, RICHARD placed his hand firmly over his Unicorn friend’s heart. Swiftly yet steadily, Richard brought the horn closer and closer to the base, watching as the light from the trio of Unicorns pulsated. Soon it began to surround the base, and, as Richard brought the horn closer, it spread and the horn became engulfed in the light’s aura.. Then the horn slid out of Richard’s hand, and with a snap, it flew towards Riccorn, as though it was a magnet, and it attached itself to the base. Riccorn’s horn was one again.

“Stop,” ordered Richard, standing up and taking a few steps back. The others followed his example, RICHARD looking wearier than before. But soon his face turned to glee, as the four-legged figure of Riccorn slowly stood up. As he reached his full height, his aura blazed fabulously and he let out a laugh full of mirth and music.

Much reason was there for celebration that day. The evil witch, Cyn, had been banished, and no longer plagued the great realm of the Unicorns. The Richards had become loving friends of the Unicorns for the rest of time and space, and the love between RICHARD and Riccorn had grown ever stronger.

But it was between the Richards that things changed. From then on, they were rarely parted. They trusted each other, and they also loved each other (in a straight way), and would not permit any evil to enter their hearts.

All was well in the world, thanks to the two brave warriors known as: The Richards.

J Richard Ford